I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
