That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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