So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
