Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize