I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
