My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
