The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Say something about gay babies.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
