So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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