So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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