I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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