In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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