I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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