what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
