hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
