why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
