My first STD was from a foam party
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
