He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
