im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
