So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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