i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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