They should really pass out barf bags in church
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They are going to name an STD after you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
