is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
