Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
