if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
