Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
