You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
