Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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