this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
