It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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