I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
