Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
