so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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