i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
