you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
