WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh god it's open bar.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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