I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
