I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
