OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
