This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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