Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize