i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
