from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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