god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
