So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
