Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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