Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
