i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Text me some of your sweat
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
