one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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