I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
