She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
