I like to think it a success when the cops are called
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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