Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
