There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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