We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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