No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
