A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
