Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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