i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
