I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
