it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
