all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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