I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize