just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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