Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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