i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
