Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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