Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
