some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
