Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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