did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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